SHAW IS LOVE

 

When a dead man takes over your life, you have no choice. Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) came from no where into my life in 1988 and is my great passion. Within one year of Bernard Shaw introducing himself I was Custodian of and living at Shaw’s historic home, Shaw’s Corner where I spent eight very happy years. It is hard at times to love someone who died before you were even born, the longing to be with that person can at times drive one to distraction.  You feel he is there with you everywhere you go, you see his name, or someone mentions his name. Shaw’s name and his quotes turn up in practically every book I have purchased no matter what type, even in a novel, I cannot get away from his presence, I have tried by going as far away as to China and he turns up there too! It is a privilege and a great comfort as I learn so much I would not have been introduced to had Shaw not been in my life and I have met most of the famous names I like and or text or receive letters from them. The advantages are big and so are the disadvantages such as ‘never being held by your dead passion and knowing it is an infinite impossibility that I will meet him in his beautiful slim physical body form nor stroke the hair on that great big beautiful Shaw head. I can never look longingly into those fabulous grey/blue eyes that reflect from his genius brain. I know the agony and the heart pounds and longs like waiting for a train to take you away to ‘that place’ that you know the train will never arrive. The hurt of not seeing, not holding, not loving him, can drag through me seemingly from the bellows of my heart which feels like it is being dragged to the depths of bleak eternity. A great heavy weight upon ones mental insides like a huge two ton foot saying ‘haha, you can never hear him whisper those loving thoughts, never kiss him, never know the joys of his intimacy …   But when the highs are high, the pleasurable feelings are like nothing expressible. The feelings of him when they come no words good enough to describe. When he appears in my dreams, My god I am in seventh heaven never want to wake and for weeks it is nothing but joy no drug can possibly match. That ‘Shaw feeling’ is the best feeling in the world. 🖤

 

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